I do a lot of talking to people. It’s aprofessional hazard, you might say. One of the things I notice in those conversations is that many of us are still tethered to points in the past.
It’s not that we have memories. Memories are good. What I find is that we’re still being defined by moments and decisions that we can’t change.
As much as we might want to do some things differently, life can be easier if we accept that those moments, those decisions, are fixed points and cannot be changed. There are many things in my past that, if I could do things differently, I might. Might.
But part of my hesitance is tied up in that whole “don’t mess with the timeline” thing. If you mess with the timeline a lot of things that we love today might be different. You might not just change the stuff that sucks.
The only things we can change are things happening now. Today. Our outlook. Our goals. Our dreams.
You’re alive today. Make the best of it. Be kind to yourself.
We lived in Japan until October of 2016. Of the many things I loved about Japan, one of my favorite was the shrines and temples; places where, except for New Year’s Eve and Day, a weary traveller could be embraced by silence and beauty.
Which is not to say that silence is not beautiful.
I understand the importance of interior work–of getting into ourselves and taking a good and “fearless moral inventory” as they say. It’s through interior work that we really get to know ourselves.
Right now, I’m pondering some of the writings on our interior selves by Henri Nouwen. He is one of my favorite writers. A book of his that is highly formative for me is Life of the Beloved. He says we have to first “be beloved” before we can “become beloved.” Or something like that.
In short, we have to accept that we are worthy of goodness (more than goodness, really) before we can live into goodness.
Maybe the challenge for some of us is that we struggle with what the mirror shows us, or what the negative color commentary of our life has said about us, that we can’t see that we’re worthy of goodness, worthy of being loved.
So before we can live a life of loving others, before we can become beloved people living in the beloved community, we probably ought to embrace that we are Beloved.
Can we recognize that in our Interior Design?
Or as Mama Ru says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the Hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen!”
The joy of island life in the western Pacific, one of them anyway, is the more than occasional Tropical storm.
Today it’s TS Malou, maybe the soon to be Typhoon Malou if the local forecasters are accurate.
Anyway, I decided to try my hand at making homemade vegan donuts.
The base recipe I used is from feastingonfruit.com; it’s really simple and the donuts are super yummy. (I’ll have to practice a bit more so that I get the timing right with my oven, since the temp runs a little on the hot side.)
There’s nothing worse than knowing that you want to have your cake and eat it, too.
That’s a frequently used/heard statement but I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about what it means.
If I eat my cake, there is no more cake; if I hold onto my cake, put in display for all to see, there’s no possibility of eating my cake.
If you want a beanstalk you have to plant your beans.
Maybe that’s the crux of the mid-life crisis…knowing you get one or the other.
If you’ve been at something professionally for 15 or so years, do you set it aside and pursue a dream; do you keep your integrity in check and be authentic or do you fake it till you make it…make it through the moment of crisis and indecision…maybe.
Do you chase the dream or leave it on the shelf?
Chasing the dream is full of risk and throws the security of a good career to the wind; putting it on the shelf, leaving it on the shelf…that only leaves restlessness and discontent.
“This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away, to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was, hmm? What he was doing. Hmm. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things.” (Master Yoda)
And that’s the struggle. I know that chasing dreams is anything but an exciting adventure. I know that dreams come at a cost, but are ultimately fulfilling at the cellular (soul-ular(?)) level.
Either way, I still need to wait until we get back stateside in about a month. At this point I’m just processing a casey jones-ish train of thought.